Family, Holidays, Pain and Depression, yup that sums it up!

Without reading even one sentence, hearing or reading those few words in the title conjure up some of the most intense feelings inside!  So, why are we really surprised that stress arises when taking even one of the words, such as family, and just holding it in our thoughts for a minute, like tasting wine before swallowing it down......was it a sweet thought, bitter, dry, loving, threatening, funny, or are you zoning out already feeling that "Houston we have a problem"?

Family, they can either be a huge comfort to you or give you pause for fear that maybe that one member you don't get along with will somehow know you thought negative things with the image of their face plastered in your mind just from the word, impossible but yet our bodies reacted with a fight or flight reaction! Tell me I am wrong........?

Then we add Holidays! Since Thanksgiving just passed those feelings are fresh and clear, plus with Christmas or Hanukkah creeping up too fast our emotions are already focusing on the list of things we need to accomplish in about 4.5 weeks! So are you excited, catching all the sales, wearing your Santa hat with bells on your shoes, do you have everything all mapped out, scheduled and organized in your planner and your house all decked out inside and out with your theme of  'snowmen'? No? You are laughing, thinking theme? Isn't Christmas the theme? Santa hat, bells, lists, schedules, organized? Wait, you are telling the truth, people actually accomplish all that and more don't they? Well, I am certainly not that person and to be honest it sounds like a Hallmark movie where everyone gets along, love is in the air, strangers hold doors and give up their find for you, and the spirit of Christ's birth is contagious and your community donates all their time and money to save the family whose house burned down a week before the holidays! I can hope, dream, and pray with all my faith and still never witness one kind deed during the 12 days of Christmas. Stress! That is what sums up Holidays to me, wait did I say family did that too??? I think I am screwed but let's continue on to our next word, pain!

For those of us who live with chronic intractable pain, the word 'pain' has a far different meaning then someone who stubbed their toe and walked it off.  We do not get 100% relief from any therapy or treatment so we always have to think about how our pain will be effected when preparing for family, and holidays.  It is unpredictable, planning to hit the 5am sale on Friday morning is a ridiculous thought, we may only fall asleep at 4am so getting in a car with little or no sleep is dangerous plus we would need to skip meds and remember that if we don't get a bite to eat by 8am to take meds that are necessary we could go through withdrawal.  We can't plan anything in advance because we just don't know what our pain levels will be and for some whether we can even ambulate alone.  We put ourselves at risk for flares just for trying and we push so hard because we don't want to disappoint anyone, especially our families.........in fact most of us at some point hide true pain levels and difficulties in front of family that you just don't want to scare, their worrying can add even more stress and higher pain.  We perform balancing acts daily and end up failing, why? Because we can't accomplish even one item off that long list that just gets so enormous and overwhelming we self defeat ourselves which leads to the last word in this ominous title, depression!

We skirt around this word a lot because it has such a negative aura, but honestly speaking we all experience some kind of depression in our lifetime.  Yes, it can mean just the blues or sadness but to most of the pain community it is a misunderstood stigma and label used incorrectly by health professionals.  It certainly never benefits us to admit we have it because assumptions are immediately applied whether or not it appropriately describes our depression! Some professionals have gone as far as to remove all pain meds because you must be suicidal and having narcotics at home would be a death sentence, when in reality not having the narcotics available would certainly be more risky! Lets remove the one thing keeping us sane because we have no other course of action.......stupidity I say! We are constantly caught between being honest and keeping a facade in front of our doctors for fear that one wrong word will send us from PT to a padded room instead! If I could accomplish one thing on this pain journey it would be to erase all past assumptions of depression and separate those depressed so they stop living and those whose lives are being altered by external factors therefor causing a state of depression.....one is the disease the other is a symptom as a result of some other factor!

A few words with various meanings, attached feelings and added stressors can certainly change the course of our thoughts, assumptions and actions in life but when you add pain to them you have a different recipe that can easily head for disaster!  Be thankful for what you are blessed with and mindful of those who are not! Hold onto your faith this holiday season and remember that Christ is the true meaning, He expects no more then for you to be a faithful servant! The cookies, gifts, and gatherings are just a bonus not your sole (soul) focus.  Please reach out to someone struggling, we all have something to offer and if Christ was willing to give His life for you can you honor his birth by doing something nice for another?

God Bless You All Merry Christmas!!