Spirit Encounters and So Much More........part II

So, part 1 of the same blog title ended with a question that I purposefully wanted you the reader to ponder and hopefully get your curiosity pumped up so that you would return........hoping it worked and you have returned with an open mind, heart and soul!  Allow yourself to relax, get comfy, have your tea handy and tissues within reach just in case!  

I believe a brief synopsis, from the past, that has helped shape "me", is needed in order for you to truly understand and connect emotionally with the spiritually guided events that changed me forever!  Keep in mind, that all I am going to share with you is real, nothing is embellished or written to add a dramatic flare.  With that said, I would appreciate it if you respect my journey through life, for each day we survive is a gift and nothing is taken for granted, what we choose to do with it and how it's done is what shapes who we are in life.

2007 could absolutely be erased and almost all that happened wiped away and I would never look back........but then I would not be who I am at this moment, heck it is possible my marriage may have failed!  I will just pinpoint the high-lites and try not to go into too much detail.......I will probably revisit those bullets in future blogs and elaborate on them in greater detail. 

    - January 2007

Took medical leave from work, a difficult decision but one I had to make.  I couldn't do my job of 9 years anymore, I put my everything into always doing my job to the best of my ability and when my disabilities prevented me from doing that I had to walk away.  I didn't want my life stressors effecting the lives that depend on me doing my job efficiently and accurately.  I never thought that was the last time I would work there, I needed to get better and help Mom with Dad and then I would go back....... but as we know the best plans are subject to God's hands changing them as He feels necessary!

     - March 2007

My Dad passes away after battling cancer.  I was with him at his bedside for weeks, watching him slowly fade away, and then I had to return home quickly, 350 miles away, for a lumbar sympathetic block.  After I got off the table at Pain Management I got a call that my Dad finally passed away.  I was very angry and feeling tremendous guilt for not being with my family when he departed for heaven.  In my heart, I always felt my Dad waited till I left to die, we were very close and had a special relationship.  I think he knew I would not handle it well and that I needed to take care of me first to be able to be active in planning his funeral and help Mom through this difficult time.  Although he was right, I lived with this guilt eating at me, not understanding God and His plan.

     - April 2007

Received a letter in the mail that my job was not being held for me and that I have been terminated from my position.  I had no option of trying part time work until I could resume full time and no offer of a different position with less demands.  I felt cheated and burned since I was a dedicated employee for nine years, hardly ever taking a day even when diagnosed with RSD in 2006, I only missed half days for getting blocks.  I would work 7.5  hrs a day, go to PT 3 days a week, and drive 18 miles home after an hour of torture.  I would cry in my car in so much pain and yet day after day I tried to do it over again only to get fired for a disease I didn't ask for, want or need but got......please God help me understand?!? 

                

     -September 2007

Bill and I got up early Saturday morning to go fishing, after enjoying a great night by the fire with his family toasting marshmallows, little did we know that was the last time we would see his Dad alive!  On the way to get bait the call came, "they are doing CPR on your Dad, get here quick"! Bill broke land speed records and it still did no good, I felt his spirit had left but had no words.....we raced to the ER only to be called in to see his body, because they were not able to resuscitate him.  I collapsed to the floor in anguish, I saw things weeks ago in a dream and could not identify the face, a heart attack was what took my father in law and the man in my dream.  

     -Mid September 2007

Bill comes in the house in a panic, sweating profusely and pale........he has something to tell me and it isn't good.  He proceeds to say words that sounded foreign but weren't, I could not believe how naive I was to believe his lies for the past five years!!! He had been stealing our hard earned money to buy and smoke cigarettes that he quit almost 13 years earlier for the past five years! I was so hurt because I questioned the money, the smell, the avoidance, the leaving me all the time to walk dogs or go to the store etc...... He pushed me away all the time and I thought it was me, I tried losing weight and he turned me away, rejecting me, making me feel like I was the one who caused our issues.  I internalized it all and suffered severe depression because of his lies.  I said ok in shock and we went to his primary immediately to make sure he was having an anxiety attack and not a heart attack.  He quit that day and has not smoked since! But, when we left the Drs that day, we drove to the lake's parking lot for a chat.  I told Bill that I am hurt, disappointed, and angry but want to work things out.  I remember saying I need a church, I need to know there is a God because at that moment I felt robbed of my trust and faith in man!  We went up the road and stopped in the first church we saw, and we are still there today! God proves again He has a plan!

    -October 2007

I received the most amazing news and devastating news in the same week......... After 13 years of trying to conceive we found out I was pregnant.  I had no idea, I went to my GYN with Bill for an exam because I was spotting and bleeding in between my periods, which were irregular because of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome).  We were called back into the Drs office from the waiting room to be told to sit down, she said "you are pregnant" but we need to do a blood test and ultrasound to check things out.  I knew for one full week that I was pregnant before I was told I was miscarrying the fetus.  I was taken off all meds, detoxing and yet so happy because Bill finally will get his child, and my dream of being a Mom.  That dreaded call devastated us, we could not believe God could take a third person from us in  under 7 months!  I blamed myself for losing the baby we named Robert William after my Dad, Bill's Dad and Bill.  I was on meds that could have caused problems and so it was all me, I beat myself up constantly, begging for forgiveness..........

Are you wondering, how we survived? Having a marriage where we truly love each other and have been best friends from the beginning surely went a long way in assisting us to remember what is important.  Our faith, although we questioned so much about God throughout that 2007 roller coaster ride, was our strength!  We attended church, bible studies, read Christian books, listened to Christian music and prayed as a couple, learning to cope and understand our feelings.  It certainly was never easy, but we learned so much about us, life, God, family, friends and our ability to work through the most difficult times we had ever been challenged with always ending up growing in our faith and becoming better Christians.

Now that you experienced a bit of my journey through my eyes, I believe I can transition you, the reader, to 2012 and the night that gave me freedom and passion to pursue my interests whether I have one follower or 1000 I have purpose and direction.  Thank you for reading and putting up with my OCD to always over explain details!!! Please join me for another exciting and very revealing blog entry next time, same place with that open mind, body and soul!!! Peace out my  fellow aliens :-) 

Chosen Blog Bible Verses: Yes two this time, it was imperative and someday I may explain why! 

      ~ Phil 4:13

'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.'

      ~John 3:16 

'For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have eternal life.'