God Always has a Plan

October 3, 2010

Where do I begin now? The meaning of this blog has to take on a new path since the last treatment did not work out as planned. I needed time to think and accept all that has happened and I am finally at peace. You see God had a plan, He always does and I lost sight of this. His reminder is a tough one to take!

My fur baby Pepper of 12 years got sick. We honestly believed she had a UTI and not the horrible news we got. Pepper had cancer and was bleeding internally; she had 1-2 days left at most. The decision to euthanize was so difficult for us but also easy, we didn't want her to suffer and we could not handle losing another dog at home. Katie our German shepherd of 8 years died less then a year ago at home from a stroke after spending 1200.00 plus to find out nothing just weeks earlier to her passing. The decision was made for Pepper and we sat on the cold floor at the vets holding our baby as she took her last breath. As I type this I am crying, Pepper my first baby is gone. She knew me, loved me unconditionally, cared for me and just understood me better then any human. I realize if I had not left treatment I would have been 360 miles away and Bill would have had to do this alone. I had a beautiful day with Pepper the day before, we took a 3 mile walk and she was so happy. I thank God for giving me that time with her, I would have been devastated if I couldn't have said goodbye to the best friend I ever had. So God's plan worked out and I listened to my gut that I needed to go home!! I am still grieving my baby girl but a beautiful rescue pup named Mya has helped me to remember the great memories with Pepper and still give my love to another dog that needed me. Sophie, our Sheltie, was also displaying signs of depression. Mya has brought us laughter, love and hope that we can survive this heartache. Sophie has adapted and accepted Mya as her own and Sophie’s happy, playful and loving spirit returned. God is good. He not only gave me time with Pepper He gave us another fur baby that needed a home (a boxer mix). She is a rescue puppy. Mya, her mom and 3 litter mates were found in NC on the side of the road completely abandoned. Mya was 5 weeks old at the time. Mya is now almost 14 weeks and growing so fast. She is full of life, energy and love.  I realized life must go on, no matter how much it still hurts I know I have enough love in my heart to give to another dog.

So, now again, I am faced with what is my purpose in this life?  What am I meant to accomplish when most days I can't even dress myself without tears?  What can this blog evolve into that readers will want to come back to read and comment on?  I feel overwhelmed again thinking about all that has happened and how it almost ruined the essence of who I am.  I need to rediscover "me" and take a microscope to what I think, feel and do and then maybe the answers to my questions will be easier to answer.  I hope you come along for this continuation of discovering the psyche of a chronic pain sufferer!

Please come back soon and leave comments.  Any ideas that are different from mine will only add to depth of the blog and allow me to ponder another way to look at things. Thank You!