Will I be losing part of my self identity?
In order to answer this question we must first know if pain is actually part of who we are......Pain changes us forever but does the statement "it becomes part of our identity" actually true? I seriously had an anxiety attack over the idea that by some miracle I get complete pain relief will I not know "me" anymore?
I wrote a poem a long time ago titled "I Am Still Me", for those who have not read it here it is:
I Am Still Me
My disease after all these years
Has brought to light many fears
Though I hurt every day that I live
There inside of me, is still so much to give
Some of you don’t recognize me as still the same
And it often causes misunderstanding, hurt, neglect and blame
My dreams in life have remained intact through it all
So please stop laughing and judging as I stumble and fall
The hope of a better tomorrow is always what gets me through
My faith in God and miracles gives me a life anew
My message today very simply put for all of you
Is “I AM STILL ME” in all that I do!
I had a life before pain too and I lost so much once pain was introduced as a permanent fixture in my daily life. I lost my job, which in turn left me without my 'working family' because I no longer worked they could not identify with me and they chose to walk away. My new 'pain family', identifies with my pain and so when that subsides I can presume they will walk too, or not? It took me years to learn how to adapt to being disabled and living a life with pain, I finally feel I have found my niche in this world again. I volunteer for groups about and for pain patients, I write about my feelings and experiences with pain, I have wonderful friends I love and admire who I only met because we shared pain, I spend my days living moment to moment trying all my distraction techniques to not constantly think about my pain, I am constantly going to doctor appointments and specialists seeking pain relief, I have a schedule I have to follow for taking my pain medications and when I go anywhere I always have to keep my needs in mind and pack accordingly.......seat cushion (when I actually remember it), my cane (thanks to Trudy and Laura..lol), medications, soft socks, warm sweatshirt, blanket (in case of AC or drafty areas) and a pair of comfy sandals (that yup I break all fashion rules and wear with socks when feet are too sensitive for air)!
So with all that in mind will I go through yet another metamorphosis? I feel as if I just bloomed where I am in this life, I certainly do not want to be a seedling again!!! I understand life evolves, people change, things happen and nothing is static but my question still has not been answered, will I still be me? Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic, there is no right answer here, just opinions! Thank you again for helping me explore my psyche along this journey!
It is true that you will have to adapt to any changes you have through this treatment process. BUT the good thing is I bet it will be easier to adapt to less pain and more freedom to do things. And if you do start to feel better, the best thing you can do is let people know what worked for you and how they can try it! This blog is a great place to start.
ReplyDelete-Dado from Chronic Pain Revolutions
DENISE I HAVE DONE SOME RESEARCH LAST COUPLE DAYS ON THIS TREATMENT AS WELL MOST OF IT FROM CALIFORNIA AREA BUT IT STATED THAT AT FIRST FOR THOSE WHOM HAD BE CHRONIC FOR SOME TIME MIGHT EVEN FEEL WORSE FOR THE FIRST 3 OR 4 TREATMENTS DUE TO THE TOXINS BEING EXCREATED FROM THE BODY SO THE TIRED FEELING AND PRESSURE U EXPERIENCE AS HE SAID IS THAT EFFECT INDEED I WOULD SAY. MOST ALL HOMEOPATHIC TREATMENTS THAT INVOLVE CLEANSING THE BODY EVEN SIMPLE CLEANSES I HAVE READ CAN CAUSE SOME INTIAL BAD FEELING DUE TO THIS CLEANSING PROCESS AND IT GETS EASIER AS U MOVE FORWARD SO HOPING IT WILL INDEED ONLY GET EASIER AND EASIER ON EACH TREATMENT AND LESS CHEST BURN AND SUCH AS U CONTINUE TO TREATMENTS AS WELL. LOVED THE PART ABOUT THE JOKING AS DR H WAS A GREAT HUMOR IN HIS OFFICE AS WELL AND IT HELPS RELIEVE THE TENSION AS WE ALL DEAL WITH IN CHRONIC PAIN INSIDE A DR'S OFFICE? PRAYING HARD FOR YOU THAT IS FOR SURE! GOD BLESS SKEETER
ReplyDeleteDenise I do understand where you are coming from on this one. With all my pain conditions if they all went away I have no ideal who I would be. But I do know one thing Denise you will stand and be exactly who God wants you to be and if you start back from a seedling you will grow strong and your Faith will become even stronger. So Let GO and Let GOD! And as you go through this enjoy every bit of less pain you have. You will figure it out.
ReplyDeleteLove Ya Little Sister,
Viv